Are gynaecologists friendly?
‘It’s for us to know and you to find out!’
-Anonymous
A gynaecologist isn’t merely your baby birthing doctor, the go-to person for your period problem, or even the person you call at odd hours to tell that your ‘friend’s girlfriend’ missed her period. Over the years, she becomes your friend and confidant. She or he helps you in your daily life and is privy to your insecurities and secrets. Be it when your periods start or when menopause hits you hard or may be you want to learn how to win an argument with your significant other, she is there to help you.
Doctors are friendly, gynaecologists even more so. Not as friendly as Paediatricians, but that behaviour would look creepy to an adult woman. But sadly, she is portrayed in popular culture as this yelling, fangs-bearing medusa, whose hobbies include forcing unwitting women to get a tubectomy. Well, that is just part of memes and in reality, we may increase the decibel level of the room to motivate you to push when your baby is crowning, but never in any other circumstances. (P.S. Our wrath is best left unleashed – hell hath no fury like an ObGyn scorned)
What makes the friendly OBG tick? (Maybe the ObGyn is already ticked off within, and has a calm exterior only for your benefit.)
There are myriad reasons why we, as doctors, may be irked. Trust me, human excreta, blood, fluids, and gross stuff don’t matter. Then what do you think matters?
Let’s delve deeper into the mind of an ObGyn and what he/she thinks.
Imagine you are a pregnant woman, heavily diabetic and your OBG is yapping on and on about diet. And all you can think about is the doughnut you want to eat. The doctor can guess you have been eating sweets, or skipping your meds, or ignoring your physical exercise, or following the advice of your WhatsApp-inspired neighbour masquerading as the society midwife, even though you blatantly refuse that you haven’t. Don’t worry, your sugar charts can speak for you!
Let’s consider your friend has delivered, a normal vaginal birth. Unfortunately, she had a bit of bleeding and was transfused one bag of blood! You can see her husband is agitated, tired from the long night’s wait – sitting, being on the phone occasionally and making that one trip to the store for something to eat or drink. Of course, he’s yelling at the top of his voice, and you can see the assistant doctor or the staff feel intimidated by his outburst. This irks us a bit. We have been trained to show empathy and care about your feelings, but we are humans in the end. We get tired, and we get scared too!
You know, we also do get irked at random messages from friends, distant relatives, friends of distant relatives and distant relatives of friends, asking to review random sonographies, blood reports or another doctor’s notes. Or a relative bad-mouthing another doctor about how bad he or she was, or how much money they charged. We, as a community, support one another and get annoyed when you criticize our colleagues for reasons beyond their control. All of us have toiled day in and out to attain that knowledge and confidence. And we do not like it when you disrespect our brethren.
We know Google is awesome. We use it too, mostly at 3 AM on night shifts to try and understand pop-culture memes, but we have spent years slogging and reading those fat textbooks! So DO NOT COMPARE OUR DEGREE TO A SEARCH ENGINE! We stay updated reading innumerable new research papers and working on many patients! (not boasting). But trust me, Jane, it’s not cancer unless proven so. Even if Google says so! When you have doubts, come to us. Though your questions might seem silly or even trivial to other lay people, we are always willing to answer them and explain complicated medical sciences in simple terms.
(P.S. maybe, just maybe, a call before 12 AM would be easier for us to answer. You know, it’s just more… Humane. No pressure, just saying! ��)
And last but not least, all of us want you to know, that we care for each and every one of you. Even at home, we think about you and your babies and families. We think about treatment, medicines and surgeries. We brainstorm silently, in our heads, sometimes with experts in other fields, so that we can give you the best possible treatment. But there are times when we make mistakes, and we accept them as well. Doctors, no matter what Covid-era advertisements or cheesy dialogues from 90s Bollywood movies tell you, aren’t Gods and we have human emotions, annoyance and irritation too. So, as we embrace all your needs by pushing back ours, we ask you to stand with us and help us grow.
Together.
Dr Madhura Mandlik
Bio: Obstetrician and gynaecologist, amateur writer, coffee lover
