The Case of the Wandering Stethoscope: A Med Student’s Guide to Losing and Finding Things
Khanij Arya, 4th-year MBBS,
Government Medical College Patiala
Bio: Med student by day, dumpling aficionado by night, with stethoscope swagger that’s always on point.
Being a med student means a lot of things to me, while many of them are heart-wrenching, soul-touching moments, one of them is my bling bling glitter glitter swag – My stethoscope. But let’s face it, between memorizing the Krebs cycle (again, duh) and trying to remember if you’ve had lunch (or dinner the night before), things tend to wander. In this life of existential crisis fueled by black bitter coffee, my glitter fairy has a habit of pulling a Houdini. So here’s a humorous guide to the magical misadventures of my glitter fairy— flitting in and out of sight as it sprinkles pixie dust everywhere—while I frantically try to keep track of this indispensable piece of medical bling.
The Vanishing Act
The scene opens with a dreamy, soft-focus shot of a med student in their natural habitat. The morning light filters through the window, casting a golden hue on the crisp white coat hanging nearby (consider this my pitch for the job of writer for Grey’s Anatomy). But in this serene moment, little do I know that a mystery is about to unfold. The camera zooms in on the stethoscope, gleaming like a prized possession. The screen fades to black, and then poof—the stethoscope is gone. As I the protagonist realise that the glitter fairy has vanished, cues in Hercule Poirot; my little, tired (however many are left after clearing NEET) brain cells working overtime to solve this mystery. Because somehow, losing your stethoscope feels like losing a part of your soul—and even Poirot himself would sympathize with that, that too in the classy French accent.
Suspect 1: The Bag Abyss
Every medico backpack is a black hole where items disappear only to reappear days or weeks later. You swear you put your stethoscope, and about 20-odd pens since the start of college, in there, but it’s gone. I empty the contents of my bag, and it’s like an archaeological dig: old notes, half-eaten snacks, mystery crumbs, and finally, at the bottom, my stethoscope, I triumphantly smile but it’s all but a mirage. My victory is yet to come.
Suspect 2: The Phantom Borrower
Well sometimes, the culprit isn’t you, but a well-mean-ing classmate who borrows your stethoscope without asking. The ones who insist that they’ll return it in just a minute, but minutes turn into hours. Hours into days, days into sheer shamelessness on their end. And you always end up as a stethoscope vigilante, patrolling the halls and demanding justice (or at least my stethoscope back… like please…) Hence, I deduce them as my prime suspect. I confidently walk up to them and demand my prized possession. I expect my friend to sheepishly hand it over to me but alas I’m left baffled. Empty handed I return, gritting my teeth marching to my next suspect.
Suspect 3: The White Coat Conundrum
While people have many faces *snarks*, my white coat has many pockets. It’s a Hermione Granger Undetectable Extension Charm Bag (trademark pending).
It has everything — notes, pens, snacks, keys and my stethoscope. By the end of the day, it weighs a ton, and I can’t seem to remember the contents of my pockets. So I pat my coat down like a TSA agent to locate my stethoscope, but it’s all in vain.
Suspect 4: The Lecture Hall Larceny
Lectures and labs are prime spots for stethoscope misplacement. These fun zones are areas where all of us have a blast. We talk, tease, teach, but alas I end up absentmindedly leaving it on the desk. Generally halfway across campus is when I realize my mistake and dash back faster than The Flash, praying it’s still there. Sometimes you’re lucky and this fills you with the determination to never let it happen again. So I hop my way into those large rooms and I’m greeted with silence, as my one true love is nowhere to be seen.
Suspect 5: The Car Chaos
In between home, campus, and the hospital, my car has ended up being a secondary storage unit. I toss my stethoscope onto the passenger seat and we end up going on mini stress-busting drives. I get teary-eyed remembering our memories so I search like Indiana Jones, under the seats rifling through the glove compartments, cursing my past self for being so careless. Hoping to find it wedged between the seat cushions but alas, the treasure remains elusive.
Suspect 6: The Mysterious House Gremlin
At home, my stethoscope has a knack for hiding in the least expected places. I remember putting it on the kitchen counter, but now it’s vanished. I check the living room, bedroom, and even the bathroom (yes, don’t ask). I hope to find it tangled in my bed sheets or stuffed behind the couch cushions. Although I find other things, my precious remains lost. I cry Golum. I’m convinced a mischievous gremlin lives in my house, moving my things just to mess with me.
The Happily Ever After
Just when I’m about to give up, exhausted and on the brink of despair, I make the breakthrough. The bling bling glitter glitter swag stethoscope, that elusive prize, reappears— it turns up in the most unexpected place, wedged between the pages of a book I’m sure I haven’t read or maybe I did (yes, professor) — ‘Harrison’s Principles of Internal Medicine’. At that moment, as the suspense reaches its zenith, I can’t help but feel that a mischievous gremlin has been orchestrating this elaborate game. I hold it up in the air, and for once, I feel like a ‘master of the universe.’
