Are You Crazy?

Written by Dr. Ninada, Tutor, AJ Institute of Medical Sciences

Themed “Make mental health a global priority”, the World Mental Health day is upon us. Alas, the themes lay only in words and writing for often the warning signs of mental illnesses are inconspicuous or brushed off tinged with humor. Mental illnesses are often an array of behavioral modifications that take off on a domino effect, often leaving the sufferer helpless even to ask for help.

Are you crazy?

It started as a small voice

Insignificant, at the back of my mind

Creeping up on dark, silent nights

I paid no heed, I let it be.

But eventually I could avoid no more

Gave the attention she desperately craved,

Acquaintances we soon became

Fear, she introduced herself

Before I knew I had given her access

To the deepest, dirtiest corners

Of my life, lies and days

Fear knew all there was to know.

Fear told me it was okay to be scared.

That it was good to be scared

So I wouldn’t do those things again As a good mentor would.

On reckless days I wanted to take a leap

Fear was all that held me back

“Don’t do it!” she would scream,

Hours later I would thank her for saving me

From countless embarrassments,

Fear protected me.

Stopped me

Before I could dive into it

Like a true friend should.

Fear recounted her own experiences,

Her narrations so vivid, we re-lived them all

Often sustaining physical injuries

Fear taught me well, as a teacher should!

But one day, I woke up, to Fear

Telling me I was going to die

She said if I didn’t stay locked upI would kill myself.

And so I stayed home that day,

And the day next, the week later

Every morning I woke up,

Fear reminded me of the cruel world outside.

“Are you crazy?”, they did say,

But I laughed within, for I knew-

Throwing life away recklessly was what crazy was

While I stayed in the safe confines of home!

And Fear convinced me,

The beaches were not safe, nor the roads

The hills too steep, the lanes too empty

My mind, said she, was the only safe space

Stay here. In your mind, with me She said.

And then, it hit me. This was toxic.

Fear was toxic I didn’t want her with me.

But Fear had clawed her way in

Deep into my mind, shielded herself

With memories I didn’t want to visit,

A parasite, she was feeding off me.

Fear was reluctant to let go.

Until every wound in my body and mind

Festered, and the pus began leaking out

Till it seemed like death was the only respite.

Fear had taken over me, literally

Empowered by my own submission

Equipped with vital information

Fear, I knew, was here to stay.

Fear, she came to me as a friend,

Stood by me through insecurities,

Little did I know, she was gaining

Where I lost.

Not realizing, every step I didn’t take

Fear had jumped a yard ahead

She had a massive head start,

But I wasn’t going to give up.

It was now Fear vs the Fighter!

A smile, a hand and a step in the right direction can indeed make wonders!

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