Are You Crazy?
Written by Dr. Ninada, Tutor, AJ Institute of Medical Sciences
Themed “Make mental health a global priority”, the World Mental Health day is upon us. Alas, the themes lay only in words and writing for often the warning signs of mental illnesses are inconspicuous or brushed off tinged with humor. Mental illnesses are often an array of behavioral modifications that take off on a domino effect, often leaving the sufferer helpless even to ask for help.
Are you crazy?
It started as a small voice
Insignificant, at the back of my mind
Creeping up on dark, silent nights
I paid no heed, I let it be.
But eventually I could avoid no more
Gave the attention she desperately craved,
Acquaintances we soon became
Fear, she introduced herself
Before I knew I had given her access
To the deepest, dirtiest corners
Of my life, lies and days
Fear knew all there was to know.
Fear told me it was okay to be scared.
That it was good to be scared
So I wouldn’t do those things again As a good mentor would.
On reckless days I wanted to take a leap
Fear was all that held me back
“Don’t do it!” she would scream,
Hours later I would thank her for saving me
From countless embarrassments,
Fear protected me.
Stopped me
Before I could dive into it
Like a true friend should.
Fear recounted her own experiences,
Her narrations so vivid, we re-lived them all
Often sustaining physical injuries
Fear taught me well, as a teacher should!
But one day, I woke up, to Fear
Telling me I was going to die
She said if I didn’t stay locked upI would kill myself.
And so I stayed home that day,
And the day next, the week later
Every morning I woke up,
Fear reminded me of the cruel world outside.
“Are you crazy?”, they did say,
But I laughed within, for I knew-
Throwing life away recklessly was what crazy was
While I stayed in the safe confines of home!
And Fear convinced me,
The beaches were not safe, nor the roads
The hills too steep, the lanes too empty
My mind, said she, was the only safe space
Stay here. In your mind, with me She said.
And then, it hit me. This was toxic.
Fear was toxic I didn’t want her with me.
But Fear had clawed her way in
Deep into my mind, shielded herself
With memories I didn’t want to visit,
A parasite, she was feeding off me.
Fear was reluctant to let go.
Until every wound in my body and mind
Festered, and the pus began leaking out
Till it seemed like death was the only respite.
Fear had taken over me, literally
Empowered by my own submission
Equipped with vital information
Fear, I knew, was here to stay.
Fear, she came to me as a friend,
Stood by me through insecurities,
Little did I know, she was gaining
Where I lost.
Not realizing, every step I didn’t take
Fear had jumped a yard ahead
She had a massive head start,
But I wasn’t going to give up.
It was now Fear vs the Fighter!
A smile, a hand and a step in the right direction can indeed make wonders!
