What iF tHEre wAs NO tiTLE…?.

-Nitish Nadkarni

WILL YOU STILL READ IT? Even if my fonts don’t fit as per the rules of the article you are reading?

HA  HAA AHA HA HAHA HAAAHAHA HEHEHE HAAAHAA. Who are you? Should I crack a joke for you? Or interest you with a magic trick? HA HAAH AHAHA. Well, I am doing both. There was once a man dressed as a bat and I beat him. Or did I? I am here now, at Arkham Asylum. HA HA. I took the best of Gotham and burned their empire. Why, you say? Because I just want to watch the world BURN!!!!

Doctors deduce me. FOOLS! I am not a criminal? I am a jester. A clown. A wraith. A devil. For me hatred is love, murder is fun, pain  is pleasure and reality is fake. While you are reading this… do you understand how PATHETIC you are! Squirming like an earthworm in the small holes of justice. Writhing at the immense burden of woogly woogly goodness upon you, playing by the rules. And you say I am a monster? HA hA ha… I am just ahead of the curve.

You think you know me? No you don’t? Fooled ya! Yes you do! HA HA hahaha! Doctors have diagnosed me with an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. They call me CRAZY. They are crazy. They judge me. Me?! Lust, greed, revenge, hunger for attention are compulsions that the skin of humans love to lick. The only sensible way to live in this world is without rules. They say I am unpredictable. I say I am meaningless. They say I am random. I say I am luck of the cards. I don’t have a history. I am a product of maniacal metamorphosis. They say I create stories. I say I prefer my life to be multiple choice. Do you why I do what I do…? Pick an answer!

I have no friends. I have no enemies. Just joking. People are squirrels. Motivated by greed for a greater power, goals and all the goody-goody. They want revenge. ME? I want to free you. Call me Psychotic. Call me Narcisstic. YOU are reading this. Boring. Go out in the world and see the chaos in the hassle of the streets. See the regulations being followed, just to make life difficult. You look sad. Let’s put a smile on that face! Random injustice just flailing around in the mist of the modern world. Random injustice means there is no justice. Innocence can be bought, so there is no innocence. Your life…is a joke. Let’s laugh at it!!!

You know the way you are reading this… you remind me of my father. How I loved to snort his ashes! Purple suit, green hair.Ha..ha. This is me. They tried to kill me. Boo hoo. They stick a knife in my FACE. And you know what they said…. Fooled you. I am not Depressed as they say. You see, I am a man of simple tastes. Kerosene, Dynamite… they interest me. I don’t go leaning on my girlfriend and write my name on her hand by my fingers. I don’t pretend that I do justice when I am corruptible. I am me.

Poor Poor me. I was thrown into a pit full of chemicals. I was disfigured. I was sad. And no one cared. Your life is incoherent. Your deeds are incoherent. You are incoherent. You think you are a messenger of peace. You think your neighbour is pure? You think the police officer you just heard from didn’t do any crime? The doctor never committed any sin? The judge was bought off by someone? Whereas I am the TRUTH. I am a dog chasing cares. I wouldn’t know what would I DO if I caught one. I just DOOOOOOOOO things. HA AHHAHHHA HA HHAAA.

Well, well. It’s time for me to leave. No its not. Tick Tock. Tick tock. BOOOOOOMMM!!! Scared..eh?

After you stop reading this. Think. Think about yourself. Your crimes. Think about the people you hurt. Think about the fun you derived from that. Think about the rules you broke. Think about that day, when you refused money to the beggar. Think about the day you just ignored a needy. Think about me. Think about chaos. YOU HYPOCRITE!!!! This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. HAA hhaa haa. Smile! Come on Meguinness, laugh it up now! Why so serious? Let’s dance.

You see. I know that you consider me mad. You reader…you. That is because you think. You think that things go according to the plan. You will read this. Put off the device that you were on, probably a cellular phone and go on back to your daily lives, studying, eating, enjoying, sleeping and thinking. Bwwaallalwaawawawalallallallalal! Things don’t go according to plan. Your old toothless grandma die, you don’t cry much. But your brother dies, you feel a lot more pain. Why? Who are you to decode the norms of socialism? You see I don’t plan. I am the plan. Surprise….I am not dead yet!

You will die. Someday. I will. Maybe. My ideas won’t. Because now you know me. Now you see me. She did laughed at my joke. Now you say I made a a grammar misakte. I misspelled mistake. I mispled it again. You are irritated. Because you want to play by the grammar rulees. HA HA! You don’t visualize world. You see history as a line. I see it as a web. You see people. I observe. I know they are corruptible. I am just a medium to make them achieve that. Oh come on! Don’t be irrtetiaed by name errors! Find all of them!

Now, you should understand me. You see, madness…is like gravity. All it needs is a little push. AHhhaha!!! Let these ideas seep deep into your cerebral sulci. Move on with life. Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the established order. Have you ever danced with the devil in pale moonlight? Batman won’t kill me. You can’t kill me. I will be in your head. Dancing, committing crimes. Playing cards. You will worry. I am not a hero like him. I am neither the hero that Gotham deserves, nor the one it needs now. I am the Jester of Genocide. I am the Clown Prince of Crime. I am the Joker.
Did you think I would stop after that cheesy dialogue, that is what Batman does. Where as I….Bubbye!!!! HAAH HAaah Hah hahahh Hah!!!!!

Illustrations: Eashan Gokhale